Pay Your Child Support

As a NFL player, it shouldn't be that hard, Will Hill. 1 point to the Giants.

Brandon Browner gets 1 year ban for PEDs

The Seahawks are notorious for PED use, even though they haven't been caught much in 2013.

Then the last few days happened. Since Browner is a repeat offender, word is he will be banned for an entire year for PED use.

We penalize in proportion to the number of games suspended, so repeat offenders are scored higher. 4 points to the Seahawks, and congrats, now Seattle is in 1st place for PED use!

Gronk mocks Asian Fan

Per ESPN:

"Gronkowski was heard on a tape posted by TMZ Sports mocking a man wearing Gronkowski's No. 87 jersey.

"They told me he could only cook fried rice," Gronkowski said into a microphone at the club. He then called the man "Leslie Chow," the Asian character played by Ken Jeong in the "Hangover" movies. Then on the video, a person involved with the event reminds those in attendance that cell phone video is to be left with organizers."

I think 2 Inflammatory points to the Patriots, what do you think?

Vikings’ Jerome Simpson arrested on DWI charge

Jerome refused a breathalyzer test. Jerome goes to jail. 2 points to the Vikings in the Crime Rankings.

Dolphins' GM Ireland told Martin to punch Incognito

The Miami Dolphins are a joke. I think it's safe to say bye-bye to Jeff Ireland.

I think 2 more Inflammatory points to the Dolphins.

How many do you think it's worth?

Richie Incognito is a d-bag

Honestly I don't really track "inflammatory" comments as well as I should, mostly because it is pretty subjective and I'm lazy. But when player like Riley Cooper and Incognito make racial threats, well that's pretty easy to track.

I say 2 points to the Dolphins in the Inflammatory Rankings - what do you think? Oh btw Richie puts the Dolphins into 1st place all by his lonesome. Well done.

UPDATE: From PFT, "Adam Schefter of ESPN reports that in April of 2013, Incognito left a voicemail for Martin saying, “Hey, wassup, you half n—– piece of [expletive] . . . I saw you on Twitter, you been training ten weeks. [I want to] [expletive] in your [expletive] mouth. [I'm going to] slap your [expletive] mouth. [I'm going to] slap your real mother across the face (laughter). [Expletive] you, you’re still a rookie. I’ll kill you.”"

SECOND UPDATE: D-bag Richie's Facebook photos. Loser.

Justin Blackmon 8 games for Substance Abuse

There's been quite a drug-bust drought, but Justin is here to save the day. 2 points to the Jaguars in the PED Rankings. Yeah I know "substance abuse" isn't necessarily performance enhancing, but still drug related so close enough.

Kellen Winslow Suspended 4 games for PEDS

I guess you're not gonna get the ball like you asked, "soldier".

Charges Filed Against Aldon Smith for Assault Weapon Possession

Aldon Smith is not having a good year. In addition to his DUI a month ago, felony charges have now been filed for possession of assault weapons during a party at his house in 2012. I think that's worth 2 Crime points to 49ers. What do you think?

Browns Executive Arrested for DUI

Browns executive Jon Sandusky was arrested on suspicion of DUI, in Fargo. Sadly, Sandusky is the son of the infamous Jerry Sandusky, and probably had reason to be drinking heavily. But no excuse for driving. 2 points to the Browns.

Pacman Jones arrested for Disorderly Conduct

I was just thinking the other day how impressive Pacman has been in seemingly turning his pro career around and avoiding getting into trouble. Whoops. I wonder if there will be any suspension given his previous run-ins. 1 point to the Bengals

Aldon Smith Arrested for DUI & MJ, with a great mugshot

Not many good arrests lately, so thankfully Aldon Smith has come to the rescue. He was arrested on suspicion of DUI and woops, the cops also found some weed on him! He then gave us this great mug shot. 2 points to San Fran.

ANOTHER Von Miller arrest! Warrant for failing to appear in court

This time in California. This is unbelievably pathetic and reeks of a person who thinks they are above the law. Yet another 1 point for the pathetic Denver Broncos franchise.

Von Miller cited for speeding & driving with suspended license

Yet another Denver hiccup. Tack on 1 more point to extend their lead over New England to 3 points in the Crime rankings.

Colts' Boyett arrested, then cut

Rookie safety John Boyett did not have a good weekend. Arrested for a few minor drunken offenses, then cut by the Colts. 1 point to Indy.

Mike Goodson Suspended 4 games for PEDS

Already accruing points for being arrested in May, Mike Goodson is now helping the Jets in the PED category with a 4 game suspension. Nice job, Mike.

Vikings Jerome Felton Suspended 3 games for PED Violation

Nice job getting an odd number of games, given the NFL usually gives bans in even numbers. Curious to find out more info on the actual substance.

Richie Incognito Knocked out a Hotel Security Guard

Incognito better figure out a better way to disguise himself, as the dirty player allegedly knocked out a hotel security guard. There's no real arrest (yet), but I think this fits into the crime category. 1 point for Miami.

Wrong Direction: Von Miller suspension going up from 4 to 6 games

So much for being vindicated. Instead, it appears Von Miller is going to be suspended an additional 2 games to the original 4 games for PED use. Another 0.5 PED points to the Broncos, who continue their overall domination of the rankings.

Demarcus Dobbs suspended 1 week for PEDS

Just one week? How does that happen? What, did he drink too much caffeine?

Jo-Lonn Dunbar Suspended 4 games for PEDS

Suddenly a busy day. 1 point to St. Louis.

Von Miller Arrested

for failure to appear in court to address being charged for careless driving and driving without a license last year. This guy is a little bit a of a problem...

Greg Jennings says the Packers brainwash players

If true, does that mean the Vikings stupedize their players? How many inflammatory points is that worth?

Joe McKnight arrested for not paying fines

Pulled over for speeding then arrested for nor paying fines. Dummy. 1 point.

Bucs' Charles Darby arrested for domestic violence

Gotta love those domestic disputes. This one seems pretty minor, as allegedly Darby "only" pushed his wife during an argument. 1 point to Tampa Bay.

Cardinals Cheerleader Arrested for Assault

We love diversity. It's not just about the players, but the entire organization's behavior. Including cheerleaders. 1 point for Arizona.

Asa Jackson Suspended 8 games for PEDS

Following a 4 game ban last year, Jackson has doubled down and lost his gamble. Will he try for a trifecta next year and lose the whole season? 2 PED points to the Ravens.

DeMarcus Love suspended 4 games for PEDS

Wonder what he took? 1 point to the Vikings.

Riley Cooper vows to "fight every ni--er" at concert

This loser won't last in the NFL now. Over / under on the # games till someone "accidentally" blows out his knee or tears his nuts off? I think 2 points for Philadelphia. What do you think?

Raiders' receiver suspended 4 games for substance abuse.

Andre Holmes was suspended for 4 games following apparent multiple violations of the NFL's substance abuse policy. 1 PED point for the Raiders.

Jarvis Jenkins suspended 4 games for PEDs

Another Redskin 4 game suspension. 1 more point for them. The worst team for PEDs in 2012 + 2013 (so far).

Von Miller Suspended 4 games for PEDs

Yet another Denver violation. 1 PED point to the Broncos. What's with this team?

A DoublePlay - Eric Wright arrested on misdemeanor charge - goes against both Bucs and 49ers

I find these cases the most amusing. You have a player arrested on a misdemeanor charge while with his old team, cut, then picked up by another team. Clearly, the Bucs are penalized 1 point, but I also think the 49ers deserve a point since they picked him up right after. Did they know about the arrest? Doesn't matter - it's their responsibility to find out and their integrity should be affected.

Colts' Saunder Suspended 8 games for PEDS

Colts' tight end Wesley Saunders has been suspended for 8 games for PED violations, doubling his penalty from last year's 4 game suspension. That's 2 solid points for the Colts in the PED rankings.

ANOTHER Denver DUI

Wow! Broncos DE Quentin Saulsberry was arrested for DUI in May. 2 more Crime points for Denver. Pathetic!

Post - Zimmerman Tweets are Inflammatory

Roddy White & Victor Cruz hinted at payback toward George Zimmerman on Twitter, get 2 Inflammatory points for their respective teams.

Pouncey Brothers Idiotic Hats gets their teams some Inflammatory points.

Mike and Maurice Pouncey apologized for showing support for Aaron Hernandez by wearing "Free Hernandez" hats. Great role models for your children, right? 2 points to the Dolphins and Steelers.

Alfonso Dennard arrested for DUI

Alfonso Dennard arrested on suspicion of DUI. Another 2 points for the Patriots, putting them back into the Crime lead.

Dion Lewis claims Hernandez friend 'snitched" on him

Dion Lewis tweeted (and deleted) that Carlos Ortiz snitched on Aaron Hernandez. What's worse than snitching? How about murder? I'd say that's a little bit worse. Complaining about snitching is probably worse too. 1 point to Cleveland in the Inflammatory category for this stupid statement.

Kaluka Maiava arrested for assault

Somehow unreported for months, Raiders' Maiava and brother were arrested for assaulting two dudes in a bar. Worth 1 or 2 points? Not sure.

Mile-High or Mile-Drunk? Two Broncos DUI'd

Two members of the Broncos' personnel staff, Matt Russell and Tom Heckert, have been arrested for DUI. A solid 4 points toward Denver. Nice work not getting a ride, rich guys.

Mark Sanchez shows his ass, gives the Jets a point.

Apparently Mark Sanchez showed his ass to the camera while dancing. Relatively benign, but worth a point in the inflammatory category I think.

Browns' Rookie Walcott Charged with Attempted Murder, 4 points

Cleveland Browns' rookie Ausar Walcott has been charged with attempted murder due to trying to beat the crap out of someone at a bar last weekend. I think for now this seems like a 3 (out of 4) points in the crime scale, which will propel the Browns back in the league. What do you think?

Vote on Hernandez Situation Point Value for Patriots

Patriots Aaron Hernandez in Trouble

If you haven't been paying attention, Hernandez could be in trouble. Lots of trouble.

While legally it's very premature, we're going to give the Patriots 2 points in the "Crime" category, with the option of adding more later (or dropping) depending on how it goes. The entire mess might still be worth a few "Big Mouth" points for the general distraction it's going to cause.

Cromartie could be the best CB, but doesn't want to.

According to him. This is pretty stupid. Benign, but stupid enough for 1 point to the Jets in the Big Mouth standings.

Patriots Owner Robert Kraft / Putin Dispute

Seemingly backing off claims that Vladimir Putin stole Kraft's Superbowl ring, we have to give 2 points to the Patriots in the Big Mouth category.

Greg Little is Kinda Stoopid

He claims he won't wear leg pads, even though the league is reinstating the rule requiring them to play. Pretty stupid. 1 point.

Rams pick up Ogletree's DUI Points

Alex Ogletree had a DUI in Georgia in February before he was drafted. Since the DUI occurred after the Superbowl, it counts toward this season and the team that picked him up. Which is the Rams, for 2 points.

Matt Birk iniciates the Inflammatory Scorecard

Matt Birk's refusal to meet the President, no matter if you agree with him or not, I believe is somewhat inflammatory. 2 points worth.

Jason Peters arrested for drag racing, etc...

Jason Peters arrested for drag racing, etc...

One point for Philadelphia.

First round of NFL Standings

I've updated the NFL standings for criminal and PED busts. The count starts after the Super Bowl, and will run all the way through next season. Right now Chicago leads the Criminal category, while Seattle leads the PED category.

Welcome to Sports Turd Watch. Our goal is to chronicle and quantify the various levels and types of turd-ness in mainstream sports. Arrests, saying / tweeting asinine remarks, and PED use will be documented and quantified on a per-team and per-league basis. Reader feedback is highly encouraged in the development and layout of this blog.